It’s summer, and we all need some laughs, right? You’ll find them here, courtesy of Elizabeth Calwell, and in her memoir, Dear Passenger: Welcome to My Wacky World as a Flight Attendant.
Some readers will want to know this book contains some mild “language,” because that’s part of the life of a flight attendant. Having said that, I think you’ll still enjoy her true stories. And she is offering a giveaway–one free paperback book to a commenter. Now, enjoy!
Hey y’all, I’m a “High Altitude Safety Technician”. That’s a highfalutin way of saying I’m a flight attendant.
It’s just not possible to get trained for all the bizarre things that happen on airplanes these days. You’ve watched the stories on the TV news from the comfort of your recliner, but I’m locked in with this insanity going on.
If you all think this inflight craziness has only been happening the last few years, let me tell you about my very first international flight over twenty-five years ago.
We were on the way to Jamaica. I was standing in the galley with several of the flight attendants when a woman tapped me on the shoulder and yelled, “You need to do something about that thing.”
“I’m the brand new flight attendant here but is there something I can help you with?”
She said, “I’m not kidding. That thing’s waking my baby.”
Then we heard a strange noise. “Cock-a-doodle-doo.”
“Cock-a-doodle-doo?” We all looked at each other then rushed to investigate.
A Jamaican man had snuck a rooster on board in a brown-paper bag and shoved it under the seat in front of him. Do you know what a cock does when it wakes up? “Cock-a-doodle-doo. Cock-a-doodle-doo!”
Everyone was laughing and all the passengers were pointing at the man, who didn’t understand all the excitement. He said, “Hey Mon, No problem here. It’s my dinner.”
Speaking of dinner, back when we regularly served meals on flights we hustled as fast as we could to get the passengers served as quickly as possible. Each new row, we repeated in rapid succession, “Beef? Or chicken? Beef or chicken? Beeforchicken?”
When I moved the cart forward to the next row, a man sitting next to the window declared in a booming voice, “I think I’ll have some of that thar’ beaver-chicken.”
There are things that just don’t bear explaining. I served him the chicken without a word. After all, doesn’t everything taste like chicken?
When we got closer to the back of the plane, we ran out of chicken. I asked a passenger, “Would you care for the beef for dinner?”
He demanded, with a Spanish accent, “I require cheeken.”
I said, “I’m so sorry, but we don’t have any more chicken, all we have is beef.
“I require cheeken. My ticket say I require cheeken.”
“Really! OK, show me your ticket.”
Sure enough, he pulled out his boarding pass and pointed to where it was printed in bold letters, CHECK IN REQUIRED.
Why couldn’t that man have been on my very first international flight? I could have handed him some really fresh poultry in a brown paper bag!
You’ll find lots of amusing situations like these in my comedy memoir, Dear Passenger: Welcome to My Wacky World as a Flight Attendant. It’s humorous, light-hearted and entertaining with some vital information about air travel slipped in. My small town upbringing has given me a unique Southern perspective on the antics of passengers and unusual happenings while traveling.
Have you ever wondered about the life of a flight attendant? Or maybe you’ve had a hard day at work and need to escape your on the ground job. Well, fasten your seat belt and join me at 35,000 feet. I can tell you all about it.
Purchase Dear Passenger at:https://www.amazon.com/s?k=books+Dear+Passenger&ref=nb_sb_noss
You may contact Elizabeth at: Elizabeth@elizabethcalwell.com